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Thursday, September 07, 2006
one of those nights
It's one of those nights. The kind that would be mosts unbearable if anyone one else were in the house, because if they were you would remain in bed for fear of waking them. But then, if no one is in the house, one of these nights can be even worse.
You know the nights I'm talking about. A dream wakes you, not a paticualrly interesting dream, just one that's emotion driven emough to stir you from slumber. Then, trying to go back to sleep, you realise you have to go to the bathroom. Once back in bed, suddenly the ticking of a clock is incessant and boisterous. You peek out from forced closed lids in hope that the light outside the window is a street lamp, nothing more ominus, especially not daybreak.
Yeah It's one of those nights.
Then again, it was one of those evenings too. The type where you can't turn of the television in fear that the silence would rive you insane, yet you have no particular need to watch what you have on. Mine was do to a revelation brought on by my new favorite show: dead like me. Every episode it brings forth a revelation, gives advice and offers insight. Last evening, when I got through watching it I hought 'What would my insight be if I were to write an episode about undead people?"
The answer was what got to me. I told myself, Well, the thing you've learned most in life is that there are two perceptions, or two different states one can be in: Lonely, and not lonely. The heart wrenching thing is, these states usually have nothing to do with who surrounds you and who doesn't. Married with children, in an apartment full of roomates, a child with siblings to spare, all of these people can be lonley. Then again, there are the ones who are in the best state, or happiest state, when no one surrounds them. What if I'm one of the latter??
That's why I can't sleep. I had a dream about latching on to characters from Xena, and trying to help theme out with something. I was useless to them though, and I found myself getting away from them later on to find a job as a lonley person handing out those parking passes in a booth. There, I was able to thrive, or atleast not feel useless. Story of my life. That's what scares me.
Currently singing (in my head): Remember when it rained by Josh Groban