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July 2006
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
sun going down
The dampness of the rain...
the coldness of the cobblestones...
and air of soot and smoke...
the fog rolling thicker.
Of all this going on...
it's the fog that stays in my mind.
The fog rolling in...thicker and thicker.
The fog, with all its dampness.
***
I didn't write that, but it's pretty damn good.
Never have I been good with enthousiasm, and the difficulty with it has strengthened somehow for this trip. Although I am to embark upon an enchanted land of which I have never visited before, there is no joy in my heart at the thought of going and being there. I realize now that all traveling has balled into one trip for me, no matter where the destination. There's shops, old buildings, maybe some walking tours, and then a plane ride home.
It's never occured to me before that this is because I have nothing to do with the process, all I see in the end result which someone else decides.
Once me and my friend went to Galveston, Texas for spring break. No one came along with us, we found the way there all by ourselves. We booked the hotel, paid for it (we were both working at the time), decided the things we wanted to do together, then did them. It was such an exciting and memorble vacation, I wish we made a habit of it.
Family trips aren't really like that are they? I mean, if you have parents like mine. Steppy Pappa's become such a regular to every place we go that he just takes care of it all, what with the hotel booking and flight booking. As for my mom, she has a very set plan for what she likes, which consists of seeing native shops, old buildings, and taking a few walking tours. Between the two of them, I can't get a word in.
I think the reason they like having me around is because I'm someone to spoil and somoeone that makes them laugh. That doesn't give me much room to be anyone if I'm allways given everything as long as I'm witty and charming. (not that I think I am, because I don't see it frankly) And mom has hinted she wants to marry me off to a doctor. Hell, if I leave everything up to them, I'll be set comfortably for life. That's not how it's supposed to be for writers. Writers go through fire and brimstone so that they make sure to write well so that they can get out of hell. I suppose I wont have to write if I'm married off to a doctor, not for money anyway.
If you think these are strange thoughts, you should have heard my 'ant society' ranting that I threw out this morning. More outbursts like that and I'll have mom thinking I'm a lunatic.