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Saturday, February 10, 2007
Schooled in Life
I believe that there are lessons to be learned in life, and I also believe that I just got schooled in one of them: appreciation.
Not two minutes ago I got a big whap in the face telling me that I don't appreciate my step dad enough. There's a few factors mixed in there, I think I used to blame it on the fact that he wedged his way into my mom and I's life. For a few years, that may have been the case, maybe it still is, but there's more to the story. Not even mentioning my odd discomfort towards the male species in general, there's something about a step father.
When my real father died, I went inward to seek blame. I told myself I never appreciated him, up until the end, and I never gave him the attention and love that he deserved. I think some of that bitterness and blame deflected outward: to perhaps the man who I felt like might have tried to replace my father. Poor Malcolm never saw it coming. Well, I don't treat him any different than I used to, I might treat him better since I've matured, but I have the tendancy to like it when he's out of town. It's not really fair to him. He's never shown me hostility, never treated me like the red headed step child, although I have died my hair red from time to time so he would have certainly had the excuse ;).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though he's not my real father, I don't want to be standing at another father-figure funeral wishing that I'd done more to appreciate that man. Thanks, Malcolm.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
stranger than fiction
I picked up a free range tag from That Shadow My Likeness. (safari browser doesnt let me link very well, but you can find her in my link section) Labels: the truth
The rules: Tell five truths about yourself that you haven't yet revealed. I agree with Shadow, I don't have many revealable secrets that I haven't already revealed, but I'll try my hardest.
1.) Usually when I want to dump someone, I'll act terrible towards them in hopes that they will break up with me first. The sad part is, I don't have a long enough attention span to keep this up before I get sick and call it off myself. So, needless to say, this has never worked. I tried it a few days ago, infact, and only could keep up the farce for an hour or two.
2.) I secretly have a crush on the guy who pays Gollum in Lord of the Rings. His name is Andy Serkis I believe.
3.) Despite my beach and salt water bashing, I would spend my last sundown on a beach if I had the choice. Prefferably in complete isolation, only those I preordain in attendance, but that's not really possible unless I go back to Qatar. I think, though, that the breeze and colors of the beach at sundown is the most serene and magnificent that I could find for a final sundown.
4.) Some people think I'm a good listener, but secretly I thrive on listening to people's drama and problems like a live soap opera. It's also good observation hours on human behavior. Can't get enough human behavior appreciation as a writer.
5.) Last, and probably least, I like shoes. I buy shoes, a lot. More than I wear, especially because they aren't practical shoes, but I still buy them because I enjoy buying shoes. When I get paychecks, or used to, I would go buy a pair of shoes to make myself feel good. It worked. I think the next job I get will refuel a shoe frenzie that has been long overdue. All this moving has deepleted my shoe overload to a depressing low.
And there you have it. Perhaps the truths weren't breathtaking and nigh unbearable to hear, but they are unrevealed truths nonetheless.
I tag: Freckleface and Rain. Anyone else is welcome to join in on the fun!
Friday, January 12, 2007
the high and low of it
My teacher set an assignment to better help our self esteem (it's a personal development class) and we had to set some plans in motion following closely his and the text books advice. It seemed kind of silly to me because he says to make the plans and act on them in the same day, which isn't allways possible, but that's another bucket of cheese. Labels: the truth
What the real kicker was that step number 2 is to be more honest. I'm not sure that he knew I have been holding something back from everyone but my best friend, but I saw step number two as my excuse to get it off my chest finally. I have a boyfriend! And i've had him for almost a month now. I just never told anyone because it's one of those relationships that aren't ideal. So un-ideal that I've already tried it out once and I'm going for it again. Another reason I never said anything was because it is a long distance relationship, so it's hard for me to feel like it's real. Maybe it's not as official as "boyfriend" and all that technical nonsense, but it's something.
Another reason I can't keep up the charade, especially to my mom, is because he's moving to L.A. with his sister. That's only an hour north. Perhaps thats 'long distance' but nearly as bad as it was. I imagine that it'll be less easy to hide if he actually shows up on my doorstep. Plus it's not fair to him to continue ignoring his presence. So there you have it, McPaige has revealed the big secret. Not to mom yet, she's a little too busy at work right this moment, but she said she'd call me in an hour. Then I'll drop the bomb. (yes, it'll be a bomb because she didn't like him the first time I dated him, and thats when he was millions of miles away) We'll see.
Technorati Tags: truth, personal development, long distance relationships, charades