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July 2006
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Monday, July 24, 2006
angry glare
I just finished typing one of the most insightful, emotional, and self viewing posts that I've ever attempted. But now it's gone. Thank you, Blogspot ... ...bastards ...
Now I'm all emptied out, I don't think I can attempt to re-type up the whole thing. Perhaps I can summarize though:
Standing on a precipice. Scared to step forward, but can't go back. Have to wait for wind to pick up and carry me into wait awaits. Not sad, not lonely. Jumbled twister of emotions running through me. Feel like the future is coming at me fast, don't know if I'm ready. Epiphany an hour ago: some time, in near future I fear, life will take violent turn and head into future I never could imagine for myself. Destiny holding the hadnle of my leash. In denial for so long about how life works, and how I've lived it. My life in retrospect (not long to you perhaps, but all I have) been random series of events that lead me along the path. Instinct tells me I might not be a writer afterall, not as a paid writer anyway. . . Something coming . . . Near future meaning this fall semester. This scares me. Not ready. But I guess I must be, instincts tell me that when oppurtunity comes, I'll know what to do.
Okay, now imagine that stretched out into a few paragraphs, and you might be able to grasp what my lost post could have been. :( makes me sad to lose it, I would have very much liked to save that sucker. I feel like cursing, but everyone's asleep so I'll just go play some violent online game, or maybe make a quiz.
Actually, I'm extremely pissed off at the internet, atleast at blogspot, so I'm very tempted to just turn off the comp. This way, I can go read, or try to go to sleep. Much more productive than wanting to be angry at an inanimate object. Goodnight!