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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
sun going down
The dampness of the rain...
the coldness of the cobblestones...
and air of soot and smoke...
the fog rolling thicker.
Of all this going on...
it's the fog that stays in my mind.
The fog rolling in...thicker and thicker.
The fog, with all its dampness.
***
I didn't write that, but it's pretty damn good.
Never have I been good with enthousiasm, and the difficulty with it has strengthened somehow for this trip. Although I am to embark upon an enchanted land of which I have never visited before, there is no joy in my heart at the thought of going and being there. I realize now that all traveling has balled into one trip for me, no matter where the destination. There's shops, old buildings, maybe some walking tours, and then a plane ride home.
It's never occured to me before that this is because I have nothing to do with the process, all I see in the end result which someone else decides.
Once me and my friend went to Galveston, Texas for spring break. No one came along with us, we found the way there all by ourselves. We booked the hotel, paid for it (we were both working at the time), decided the things we wanted to do together, then did them. It was such an exciting and memorble vacation, I wish we made a habit of it.
Family trips aren't really like that are they? I mean, if you have parents like mine. Steppy Pappa's become such a regular to every place we go that he just takes care of it all, what with the hotel booking and flight booking. As for my mom, she has a very set plan for what she likes, which consists of seeing native shops, old buildings, and taking a few walking tours. Between the two of them, I can't get a word in.
I think the reason they like having me around is because I'm someone to spoil and somoeone that makes them laugh. That doesn't give me much room to be anyone if I'm allways given everything as long as I'm witty and charming. (not that I think I am, because I don't see it frankly) And mom has hinted she wants to marry me off to a doctor. Hell, if I leave everything up to them, I'll be set comfortably for life. That's not how it's supposed to be for writers. Writers go through fire and brimstone so that they make sure to write well so that they can get out of hell. I suppose I wont have to write if I'm married off to a doctor, not for money anyway.
If you think these are strange thoughts, you should have heard my 'ant society' ranting that I threw out this morning. More outbursts like that and I'll have mom thinking I'm a lunatic.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Anime Parody-Elephant Love Song.
How wonderful life is now you're in the world.
oreos and milk
Mortal Kombat Spoof
Oh yeah.
In response to P&J's post prompting us to write an entry on why our titles are what they are, I will say this:
Who's seen Rocky Horror Picture Show? Well there's a song in there where Frankfurter tells janet to "wise up" (wise up, janet weiss. your apple pie don't taste so nice) That's where I got "wizeup" from. As for McPaige, I was a nanny over the summer, and it seemed appropriate to fashion my alias after nanny mcphee, and so Wizeup McPaige was born.
Now, for 'psychoticness of my psyche', I didn't make that up. You'll have to ask Freckleface why she thinks I'm psychotic. I think I'm quite normal. Everyone else is psychotic! ;)
Monday, August 21, 2006
more than a locust
Well fall is nearly here, thought it seems to have come to soon. Summer should stick around another month or so, Im not quite ready to start into fall semester. Then again, I can't remember a time when I was sready for any school to start. Never been much for school, like most kids. I never understood the ones who were excited for school to come. Harry Potter allways want school to start, but I suppose if I went to his school, I would be a little more enthoused for fall to come.
What does it mean when you find a baby rattle snake in the house?
It must have some signifigance. Most occurances can be associated with an omen, whether good or ill. A snake could go different ways I suppose. Well, I don't know what it could mean, but somehow a baby rattlesnake found ("snaked") his way inside our humble abode. The cat was snooping in a corner and suddenly a weird noise kicked up. I thought it was a locust, but that's mostly because I've never been in the vecinity of a live rattle snake. The little baby snake is dead now, steppy pappa cut his head off with a rusty shovel despite my weak protests. I know that the snake would grow and prove dangerous, but I've never been much for taking precedence over nature. If snakes and spiders are meant to bite and kill something, especially something they intend to eat or protect themselves from (which is I guess everything), then that's the way of things. That said, I think I was a Taoist in a former life. Call it a snake asking the wind by whence it is able to flow.
Tomorrow's the big night. Book club. Am I ready? Maybe, we'll see. The closer it gets the less I wish to attend. But mom's made sure to give me lots of the responsibility of 'hostess.' She gets to do the tea and biscuts while I head the conversation with thought provoking questions on symbolism and such. *sigh* It pains me for some reason to think that she want me to be in charge of the intellectual novel she chose for us all to read while she serves tea. As if she feels like I'm a deeper thinker, and she a better home maker. The later is certainly true, that I wont lie about.
Cap'n Pirate is trying to talk to me again. It's unnerving, yet I really want to jump back into that. It's nice to have someone play witness to my life, even if that someone is only doing so to get back in good graces with me so that we might date again. Hmm.
The new nickleback (sp?) CD is really good. It seems to have to grow on you, like most songs.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Crystal moon
Do you ever notice that once you accept things as the way it's going to be, that it all feels a little more pleasant to deal with? I wish they bottled that, and sold it on eBay. Chances are it would probably cost too much anyway.
My little niece, the one I bonded with so arduously over this past summer, is terrible sick. Bronchitis? I think that's what it is, so it's pretty bad. I hear she can't breath very well, and her nose is running something nasty. :( Me and my mom are feeling down to think about my sister and niece having to go through this. Doctor tomorrow, hopefully that'll clear things up a little bit.
As it comes closer, I feel more and more excitement for the time I will be teaching primary by myself. It's only one day I believe, and I plan to pop in "Jonah" from Veggie Tales, but it still feels veyr special. There was a time I didn't like those kids, they seemed very bratty. Now that I feel more in touch with them, and more akin to their age, I can remember better back to a day when I was in primary at their age. Such fun and hope. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Tuesday marks the book club that I'm co-hosting. At first I felt as if it would be a disaster, becuase I heard it was half full with mormon wives, so you can imagine what I expected. Gossip, talk of children, swaping recipes, and a room full of zealots who didn't read the book. I wasn't about to subject "Monkey" to that crowd, I could just see them with bonnets, sundresses, and high heels sipping their tea and ignoring all attempts to start conversation on 'Buddhism vs. Taoism.' Recently I've been assured that it is a very serious book club, they allways read the books, discuss them in an educated manner with no gossip interjecting, and the hostesses are meant to come prepared with handoutst ect. It sounds very professional, and it lifts my hopes. However, I still don't see mormon women (who can be 100 times worse than mormon men when it comes to discussing or not discussing religion) favoring a positive discussion of Buddha and Tripitaka. I just know someone's going to say, "Yeah, but Buddhism isn't the true religion." and then proceed to compare buddhism's faults to mormanism's truths. And what really bothers me, is that I think my mom will participate in that discussion readilly, while I will want to start screaming.
It would be a whole nother cup of tea if the book club were made up of non-mormons.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
made our choice
Tagged by frecklefacegirl
Start 10 sentences with the word, I LOVE...
1. I love...Hurc. He's the only cat for me ;) and even though he brings me presents of lizards and mice, he still brings me presents and curls up next to me at night.
2. I love...reading. It's such a nice way to relax and allow your mind to wander in these little imaginitive worlds, especially fantasy novels. Like Harry Potter. ;)
3. I love...picnics. Grab a basket of food, a blanket to sit on, and a book. Obviously this relates to number 2, but it's a love all in itself.
4. I love...getting together with a bunch of family members. It's nice, every few months, to get a bunch of the fam together, with the little ones running around, and craziness insues. It's great, I wish we could do it more often.
5. I love...learning. If it is a subject to my liking. As I get older, though, I've noticed that the subject list narrows. It must be the lack of spongy mind taking hold.
6. I love...being goofy. Nuff said.
7. I love...surveying a wilderness. I really think this is the only reason I like hiking, because I'm not much for physical exertion if I can help it. But there's something about a natural pine scent, dirt beneath your feet, and a clean breeze that makes me want to get off my laze arse.
8. I love...to watch good movies.
9. I love...to write. Fanfiction and novels are my favorite to write, depending on my mood. It's like reading with an extra pinch of flavor and seasoning. Like Nutmeg. Yes, writing is reading with a dash of nutmeg.
10. I love...desserts. Pie, cookies, cake, brownies, lemon bars, ice cream; it's all so yummy and enticing! This might tie back to number 7, though, what with my natural dislike of physical exertion.
There you have it. Now for my taggings: Pheonixhearse, Izzy, That Shadow My Likeness.
***
I am now among the living again! This afternoon we got highspeed internet to replace the freaking annoying dial up! Wahoo! I'm so happy about the tradeup, now it's smooth surfing. And I'll be more readily willing to get online, since the process was made this much easier.
Soon, I promise, that my camera will be working again. Then I can post a picture of my new hair color, Hurc, random frolic, and the new kitchen! You may scoff, but this kitchen looks 100% better I assure you.
Random thought: When I was picking up Thai food for dinner today, I returned to my car and had a random flashback to a self defense course I once had. It urged us to allways check under the car before approaching it, just incase someone's ready to reach out from underneath and grab you. When this thought came to me, I had a conjoining thought that said, "Screw that!" You see, I've come to realise that if I do ever get a pair of arms grabbing me from under my car, and I end up dead in a ditch somewhere, I would rather have lived my life not looking under my car to make sure this doesn't happen rather than spending 80 years of my life allways checking under my car and never finding anything. Life loses flavor when you keep those kind of precations I think. And I'm all for flavor.
That, plus I don't like old broads who drive really really fast, and get mad at me for driving the speed limit in my own neighborhood. That bothers me. To counter it, I follow number 10 on the meme above ;) Infact, I think I'll go do that now. Good night!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
on my mind
**Since there wasn't anything for M, I added my own**
Got this from Princess and Johnsy:
ABC's
A is for age:
19 on Aug 31 (the big mystery is solved!) I know I'm young, but it's fading fast.
B is for booze of choice:
...Underage? and Mormon? Since I know that doesn't mean anything, I'll say that I like the taste of Smirnoff the best.
C is for career:
None at the moment. I've had JOBS in home decor and food service, but they did not last long, and I hope never to return to them. What I would like to do is write a lot of good books, get lots of money, and start a non profit org for after school kids to come in and learn the joys of writing. This idea is a little seed from earlier this year, I hope it plays out.
D is for your dog's name:
My favorite dog's name is Solo, he belongs to my friend which means I don't have, nor would I want a dog. My cat's name is Hurcules. But if I did have a dog in the house, it's name would be Xena ;) suggested by my sister
E is for essential items you use/love everyday:
Music. My kind of music, which I admit is an ecletic miz, but it's great to have when your head is swimming with too many thoughts to concentrate
F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:
"Acrobat" by Elton John, "Changes" by David Bowie, and "Africa" by Toto
G is for favorite games:
Trivial Pursuit: Lord of the Rings edition. I kick butt at that game, but it only proves my nerdiness.
H is for hometown:
Uh. I'm not sure what I would call my hometown. Katy used to be my 'home' but I don't particularily want to go back there anymore. I don't know, I would say I don't have one so much.
I is for instruments you play:
I used to play the flute in 6th grade band. Heh, yeah that went well
J is for jam or jelly you like:
I like blackberry jam! Oh it's so good on toast with a little bit of melted butter.
K is for kids:
None, unless you count Hurculese.
L is for last kiss:
Not a good thought. Dan back in March or April. He was a jerk.
M is for Method of relaxation:
Yoga ;)
N is for name of your crush:
None at the moment, unless you count that cute surfer boy at the Gyro by the movie theater...
O is for overnight hospital stays:
None, unless you count my birth. I'm sure I stayed overnight in that hospital.
P is for phobias:
I don't like crowds. It locks me up, amkes me nervous. So I usually change up my schedule to fit around the times when other people are most likely not doing what I'm doing. It's not a severe problem, but I'd prefer a more sparsley crowded area to a thick crowd. Unless it's a club, that's a horse of a different color.
Q is for quotes you like:
"So wise so young, they say never do live long" I think it's from Hamlet
R is for biggest regret:
The usual; letting that special one get away. But I don't let it bother me too much, I know that the reason I let him get away without trying to start anything was because he and I would have been bad in a real relationship. He probably knew it too.
S is for sweets of your choice:
SKOR is a really good candy bar. I like the british candies, like AERO. Toblerone is also a really good candy. Hershey's nuggets also get me excited. Let's just say chocolate is a personal favorite.
T is for time you wake up:
8:30-9:30 depending on my duties that morning
U is for underwear:
whatev, I'm not picky. Comfy, no holes, and clean are my only requirements.
V is for vegetables you love:
Snap peas, carrots, and cherry tomatoes.
W is for worst habit:
W also stands for Wandering mind, and that is definetly my worst 'habit'. Sometimes I just can't stay focused.
X is for x-rays you've had:
That's nothing special. Can't X stand for Xena? Yes that's better. My favorite episode of Xena is the one that cupid's son makes all these different characters fall in love with eachother, with comedic results. :) Am I the only Xena fan in the audience?
Y is for yummy food you make:
Hehehe... I stole a recipe from my sister that was originally called Husband's Delight, but it's recenlty been changed to Sister's delight because we liked it more than her husband did. I also make some really good chocolate chip cookies, and fettuchini alfredo when I can wrap my head around the task.
Z is for zodiac sign:
Virgo
You are all tagged, if you wish to participate
acrobat
My opinion of yoga has changed today. I used to think it was a nice way to get flexible and reduce stress, and that some weird hippies (not to be confused with the non-weird hippies) take it way seriously. Watch "Inhale" on Oxygen for an example of how strange yoga people get.
Anyways, I did some good yoga this morning from a DVD classroom thing, and well.. my opinion hasn't changed much, but I realized that it's so much more than what I thought! The past few days haven't been hectic, I have really not had much to do but pop over to the grocery store to pick up tuna for Hurc, and I haven't been really able to relax. Today, I felt so much more at ease, and able to sit and read outside without music blaring and constant mind wandering. It felt fantastic. Go Yoga!
I also was able to take a nice invigorating walk down to the man made pond down in the neighborhood. It has some pretty fountains and a great grassy clearing with a perk little bench right on the edge there. I must have sat there for two hours just reading and enjoying the enviroment. Fantastic. And I got a tan! That really makes me happy.
The reason I've been regretting not being able to relax is because I wont have many more vacation days once we get back from Singapore. School will start, and it'll be tests and books and freeway driving. Ugh, I can't wait...
Monday, August 14, 2006
book of losers
No luck getting a picture, my camera has finally crapped out on me I think. :( Actually this time it was my fault. This morning I got it working, for the first time in weeks, and as soon as I snapped a picture the camera slipped through my grip and smacked hard onto the marble countertop. RIP kodak, I don't think Lens Error 14 is curable.
Fortunately I was able to save all my other pikkies, and the card and batteries are still good. Here, have an old photo in place of not posting a recent one of my new hair.
I forgot to post a 'weird crush' last week. This week, I'll post two to make up for it: James and Oliver Phelps. The weasly twins on harry potter are the best, I think they're so funny and cute, and they definetly get better as the years go on. You know, they're about twenty... Maybe I should take a holiday in old London town, see if I can't find the boys. ;) Just kidding, I don't see me being able to choose between the two even if I could procure a meeting.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
teach them all
Born a brunette, this is true. But, as of yesterday afternoon, I am a redhead. A fiery redhead. ;) The color is actually Chocolate Mousse, I don't know why it came out bright reddish/maroonish on me but I think it looks great. It also was the brand that comes with highlights in the box, and so I have bright orangey/reddy highlights to compliment it. I'll really try to get a picture on, it looks so great that I can't let the oppurtunity to show it off pass.
At church a cute little down syndrome boy came up behind me and said "HI" I said hi back, and he sat next to me for about 20 minutes or so, pretty much entertaining himself. Except for the time he grabbed the blanket we were sharing at took it off of me, that was cute even if it left me a little cold. The magnetism that children, especially ones with disailities have for me is baffeling to me. I was allways friends with everyone in elementary. Somewhere between 3rd grade and now, I have stepped away from that natural kindness I used to feel. I've tried to cover up that part of myself over the year with dark clothes, brooding, an expression of someone too angry to be liked. Not that I've been extremely successful at trying to be this strong personality that I've aspired towards, but I realized today how much I cannot hide myself. The person who doesn't like children, who would rather stay home on a friday night, and gives the cold shoulder to guys who appear to be ready to hit on me; well, that person is artificial, no matter how hard I want her to be who I am, that's not who I was born as. The little boy at church saw through my punk-colored hair, piercing, and sturdy/stiff clothes into the calm deamenor that I haven't suceeded in destroying. When he was there, I told myself that I was uncomfortable, and didn't like kids, but then another side of me shown through beyond that. Geeze, how is it possible to stray so far from one's kindred path?
Tonight we have the missionaries coming for dinner. Mom's been so far gone from immersed mormanism that she suggesting having iced tea with our dinner. Even if it is herbal tea, and from Utah, it's still iced tea, which is one of those no-nos, especially to missionaries, who can't even be within arms length of a girl for two years. I convinced her to get some lemonade instead, when we went shopping after church... Another big no-no that we wont tell the missionaries about. If they only knew the kind of trouble we're going through to have them over this evening.
currently listening to: I'm Still Standing by Elton John
Friday, August 11, 2006
it's for keeps
So no liquids on our luggage, ah? That's fantastic...
Anyway, I had my TV debut on wednesday night. Mom and I went to go see if Davinci Code is still in theaters, and a News crew was there interviewing some people, and they saw me staring at them, and decided to offer me the chance to give my opinion about the movie, "World Trade Center." I only had one thing to say, which was that I think the movie is coming out too soon. The lady tried to get me to expound a little, and some of what I said I think was more a result of her questions than of my opinion, but atleast I made it on TV ah?
They clipped out about 20 seconds of me saying, "It's too near. It's like it just barely happened and suddenly they're capitalizing on it." Twisting of words. Yes I said that, but it sort of popped out. I was trying to get across that I felt either the subject is too sensitive or not sensitive enough, you know? If they had done it when the incident was fresh in our minds, that would be one thing. Or if they would have waited another five years then it would peak the interests. But this is just an awkward time to make this movie.
It was really weird to see and hear me on the news.. I have it saved, of course.;)
Otherwise, I went to the dentist yesterday and he said, as usual, that my gums aren't well cared for. So now I have some special medicated mouthwash to help me out. That stuff is the nastiest stuff in the world, I can't wait till I finish the bottle off and convince that man of my ability to stick to gum care.
I leave you on a note of good news: my two favorite shows have a connection. Archeangel (sp?) David from Xena is on Crossing Jordan as an Aussie love interest for Jordan. Isn't that awesome?? It warms my heart, ;)
-wizeup
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
sister's meme
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
By association? No, not really, but a few of my friends could tell you what it feels like. Those hooligans.
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Never, I love 'em!
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
A few years ago in Colorado with my bros for Christmas
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
My cat is company enough, especially when he cuddles and gets all fuzzy and warm on my neck
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
I think that's all I am, honestly
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
whether he did or not the whole thing got too much publicity
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I'm on Angelina's side. I've allways liked her better anyway, Pitt and her make a better 'odd couple'
9. Do you stay friends with your exes?
I try not to be, it gets too awkward
10. Do you know how to play poker?
I have a poker face, but I don't know any of the good hands so it doesn't help me win
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I've only made it to like 26 or so
12. What's your favorite commercial?
The XM satellite radio where David Bowie steals Snoop Dogg's chain.
13. What are you allergic to?
I get a little sniffly in the spring and fall, I think it's pollen or something
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
I could see me doing something like that, but now that it's in the open Karma will make sure I get caught so I better not
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
(LOL to Steph) I have many secrets, but they proably aren't as secret as I'd like to think they are.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
ASTROS!!! wOOt!! except for the fact that they suck.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Not more than once, and I learned that cold bottoms aren't my cup of tea.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
At random times of the day, unless I get woken up in the middle of them
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
in april or may sometime with me, my roomate, and my friend playing the old skool Mario Bros... ah, good times
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
You bet I can!! (here's some of my favs)
1.Long winding road
2.Hey Bulldog
3.Lady Madonna
4.Strawberry Feilds
5.Mr. Kite
21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
a nasty little mole
22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?
Wha?? Is that Matel supported?
23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes, I promised once that I allways would, and I don't want Karma to come get me the one time I don't
24. What cell service do you use?
Cingular, for the time being
25. Do you like sushi?
NOOOO it's nasty
26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Enough to think why I'm still alive, and unmamed
27. What do you wear to bed?
depends on how hot/cold it is ;) jk, a big shirt suits fine
28. Been caught stealing?
I don't get caught... No I don't think I have ever tried to steal from a store, but I have taken toys from other kids that I didn't like
29. What shoe size do you have?
7 1/2
30. Do you truly hate anyone?
If I get so mad at someone that I don't think I could ever forgive them, I push them into a pile where they no longer matter. I suppose that could be called the 'hate' pile, but I don't plan to ever get even with them or anything.
31. Classic Rock or Rap?
Classic Rock fo' sho'
32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
OMG that's quite the question. It would take days for me to narrow down the selection but off that top of my head I would say Tom Felton, or Gary Oldman. (GO has pretty much allways been at the top of the list, TF was a flavor of the week)
33. Favorite Song?
Linger by The Cranberries
34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Just about every time a good song is on
35. What food do you find disgusting?
FISH and seafood in general. Mushrooms and fungi too. Oh and I don't like olives much. Or spinach. LOL
36. Do you sing in the shower?
Yes
37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
No! I never even heard of that game till I was already a junior in highschool, and by then I was quite past that
38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Yeah, I'm ashamed to admit it but I am a gossip monger
39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Probably, I don't know. Does George W count?
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
nope
down we plunge
There are quite a few things I must get done in the next few days, most concerning health and well being. That said, I have been to the doctor's this morning to get a general check up, wherein I got a clean bill of health, nothing wrong. But, then that doesn't mean that I am not now meant to go see a dermatologist to further check up on a rather troublesome mole on my tummy. I belive the doctor's exact words were that there was no way for her to say for sure that it was or wasn't melanoma, yet the mole showed signs of change, which can be interrpreted as cancerous. So we shall see how that comes out. I know that so many get cancerous moles removed, and get moles checked up on all the time, but I still have a bit of apprehension towards this.
Other than that, I have rekindled my love of Crossing Jordan. Even though the new season has brought in a character that I don't like, the ones I do like are still going strong so I await the time they shoo off this new blond police woman that swept in and stole Woody's heart away from Jordan when they had finally started going together!! I believe her first name is Lou... Anyway, I do not like her.
What is this scheduled outage about? 4:00 pm?? Blogspot leaves me royally confused.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
ain't even payin attention
This morning, I had the adventure of breaking into my own house. It was great fun.
It's a rewarding, life changing expirience, that I think everyone should go through atleast once in their life span. And not just finding the spare key under the flower pot because you lost yours, I mean all out, climbed the fence, scaled a bush, and jimmied open a back window to squeeze through. Those are the fun days in life.
I had taken a shower, and written a letter (hoping to dissuade a parking ticket) that needed to be put in the mailbox. Luckilly, I put some clothes on rather than stay in my robe, that would have been hell because as soon as I stepped out of the front door it shut behind me. The door doesn't need to be locked, a point I had forgotten, because the latch wont open from the outside. WooHoo! lol.
So I put the mail in the mail box, and got to work. I crawled over the gate that leads to my bedroom's porch, which meant stacking a few empty flower pots to boost me up, then proceeded to crawl around the side of the house and try every glass door I could. Alls I got to say is, "Thanks Mom for not locking your bedroom door!" Otherwise I would be SOL
Now I know better, ah?
Monday, August 07, 2006
sticky mousetrap
San Diego has proven to be quite the new expirience for me, even only being here for two and a half days. I have a car for the first time in over a year, I am transferred to a new college, a "new" cat. Most things just seem new, since i've changed so much since last I was here to see them.
Driving a Volvo is quite the expirience. I have yet to name her (it is a her, she's got a flower sticker in the back window stuck on by her previous owner) and I'm just barely getting back into the whole driving thing. It'll take a while to get used to not driving a standard, but it will come. It was such a shock to see it, and think "OMG this is my car" and I feel that now everytime I see it in the street outside. Quite exciting, I must say.
My friend, the only one in San Diego, is as loco as ever. She's into this new fad where everyone fits into four categories depending on their personality. Supposedly I'm a soft, and she's a rich. It has to do with me being more of a timid listener, and Noelle being more of the 'go-to" gal. You know the kind, the ones that have all the answers and make everyone's problem their own. As for softies, we are more the sensitive type, more ready to blend in with the works and watch whats going on around us than participate. There's something to these categories, but not to the extent that she thinks.
I just locked my cat in my mom's room, because he has a mouse to catch. I saw it dart in there and then saw it go into their closet. My mom put a 'break neck' mousetrap in there because she claims that the sticky mousetraps are less effective, and less humane since they die of starvation rather slowly. I agree, the quick death is the better death, but it's allways hard for me to sentance pests to death like that. It's fine if my cat kills the mouse, that's more natural and evolutionary, plus it keeps Hurc happy. Right now I'm dreading to hear a loud *SNAP* and my cat "YEOOOW"ling because the wrong creature got caught in the trap. He's a large cat, and should survive a mousetrap attatcked to his paw, but that doesn't mean I would like him to expirience that. So I guess you could say that whether the cat or the mouse is involved, I'm dreading the *SNAP*
It's nice to have this comp back. I've missed my iTunes, and documents.
requim
It's been too long without a good post, I've missed blogspot this weekend. Not that I haven't been engrossed in activities, nearly choking in them.
Saturday followed the lines I thought it would. It was hard to say goodbye to Miami and everything there, but it was even harder to walk away from Lexi when I knew she didn't understand what I was doing. Even with the hectic day I had, that was what played over and over in my head with a sad soundtrack. Talk about hectic though, I was just in time to the gate to sit for a minute, finish my starbucks breakfast (thanks Steph! That kept me fueled all day,) and then get on the plane. I'm not used to such a short down time, but it was alright, I got on the plane and got settled for the hours of travel, rather uneventful. One interesting thing though, I fell asleep on the plane! I hate sleeping on a plane, so it usually doesn't happen, but it did! Completely a surprise to me, especially when my head clunked right onto the window *ouch!*.
Lunch in houston=hell!! My angel/devil best friends showed up. The angel brought her jerk fiancee, as usual, who nearly ruined lunch. My devil friend... well she was no different either, and had to make everything revolve around her and her planned events. (she planned to go to JackintheBox and have us look at the photoalbum of her hotel in cancun... enough said) Then Robby! OMG, he was terrible! He didn't let me talk anything about our unpleasant breakup, whatsoever, and insisted on mundane, redundant topics of what he'd done that week... And when my friends showed up he didn't talk at all! I can't have that, not that I like my friends all that much, but I need an adaptable person, willing to meet and greet.
(I wont even mention the ring, come complete with earrings and necklace, nor will i say that the earring back was lost within an half an hour of putting them on. ;) i would never mention such things) It was nice to leave that behind. The whole situation was so uncomfortable that I lost my appetite to a quesy stomach. The problem was that everyone was trying so hard, the girls atleast, to make the whole thing pleasant, and if you have to work to make "fun time" pleasant, then it's not working out. It's the right time to get out of Texas.
After that, nothing special, just a looong plane ride. As soon as I got outside into the cool Calif air, I felt relieved and refreshed. no more airports and awkward meetings, and it was really nice to see mom and malcolm. So saturday started off sadly, quesy getting through it, and ended with exhaustion and releaved feelings. *sigh*
Friday, August 04, 2006
drawing in the dust
I feel a lot better about tomorrow. Now I've gone on the website and checked it all out, checked flight status, I feel more comfortable with the situation. wOOt for the speedy info gained from the net.
Now all I have to worry about is missing Lexi. :( Physically the flight and luncheon will be the more challenging. Emotionally, thought, leaving her behind gets the award for most difficult. Atleast there's the internet and phones, so it isn't a complete 'goodbye'. "I see the darkness of the moon in your eyes. And when we part, there'll be no tears, no goodbyes; I'll just look into your eyes." -Dr. Doolittle with Rex Harrison. She does have some big ol' eyes, and while I don't think they reflect the darkness of the moon, I do connect the situation to this song. Afterall, he's saying goodbye to a sea lion. She doesn't understand goodbye, and niether does Lexi. What else is there to do besides hug her and leave?
There's got to be something to make sure she remembers me. When she starts talking, I'll make Steph hand her the phone everyonce and a while so she'll know who her Auntie Paige is. Now that I wont be her Nanny McPaige anymore, I may have to change my blog title. We'll see.
reddened
For my last day in Miami, I'm feeling some pretty bizarre emotions. Here's the list:
-I have a headache
-Tres tres fatigue (tired)
-I already miss Lexi, and this house
-And I don't want tomorrow to come
This last one is the most bothersome. At lunch time, I put Lexi in the carrier, and decided to walk around the neighborhood one last time. Unfortunately, when I picked up my phone, I noticed a million and a half missed calls from this morning. (four or five is a million to me since I'm used to not having people call me unless I expect them to) Anyway, going against my usual judgment, I called two of them back. This is the result of it:
The two most stressful Texas friends of mine are coming to see me at the airport while I'm stuck in Houston for a few hours. They're going to take me to lunch, and I'm pretty sure they already don't like each other even before they've met. Ugh... I mean, they're both obsessive over driving themselves places, so I'm going to have to choose which car to sit in, I'm going to have to make up the conversation because they're both shy around strangers, and the worst part is that none of the friends I really want to see are able to show up. This 'hassle' would be a lot more manageable with a few more people there. I should never have told anyone I would be in Houston for a few hours, that's not a big bueno.
Stressed out. It wouldn't be all bad, I mean seeing people for lunch is no big deal, but I HATE-scratch that- I DESPISE airports with all the marrow in my bones! Everyone's in a rush, everyone's all nervous and uncomfortable, and the security lines make me want to scream! So not only do I have to sit in a cramped plane two times tomorrow and deal with security and what not twice, I also have to worry about where to meet these friends, try my hardest to wear my enthousiastic face, and give everyone (all three of them) a lasting good impression of me for one of the last times we'll see eachother in a long time. Oh god, if I drank, I would need a strong one post-haste.
To make things worse: Robby is one of the friends that I dont want to see, but will anyway. Apparently he's more stubborn and loyal than I imagined, and he wouldn't let me break up with him, not the way I wanted to anyway. I like breaking up with people to the point that I never see, nor speak with them again. When I broke up with robby, he sent me two messages back saying things like, "I understand, no big deal. I agree, I don't care how far away you are, I will never stop thinking of you" and he left me a message on my phone that sounded like this, "Hey beautiful, call me" UGH, I'm begging him to get angry and hate me, but he just wont!! I can't get much meaner than I have without feeling giulty about it later. Hopefully he'll get bored with me... he will if I have anything to say about it.
-wizeup
Thursday, August 03, 2006
dont you mess around with me
The deed is done, and the message sent. It came out a little meaner than I intended, perhaps that's why they say don't do things of that nature in the heat of the moment ah?
Otherwize, I'm more concerned with my missing Lexie. She's so cute, and even when she cries right in my ear I want to kiss and love on her. :( Yup, she will be missed. But I was talking to Lucky a while ago and he said, "You get to go home and take care of Paige now, huh?" And that's true, not that I'm super nanny, but it will be kinda nice to have a bit of 'me' time. I'll probably use it to reflect on how much I miss Lexie ;)
Here's a cute pick of the two of us for keepsakes 
begrudgingly
If I have anything to say about it, this will be the last wasted post on Robby, scouts honor.
Today I've vowed to break up with him, even if I don't think we were ever dateing in the first place. I'm going to do it the mean, wimpy way too; with an e-mail. It's bad, I know it would be better to call him, but I just don't see myself being able to call him up and going through with the unpleasantness. As soon as he answers the phone, he'll be so happy and twitterpated that I will back down and just pretend I called him to see how he was doing. I hate confrontation!
So yeah I was just now about to send the message along, but I noticed that I had three unread from him. The contents of one are disturbing, and I wanted to share them:
*~So the dream I had last night was crazy wierd...it had you as a model and me as a....I don't know what I was, but I was like an assistant...and I actually came to see you in Miami, and it was wierd cause there weren't many laws so I had to protect you a lot cause you were so beautiful, and it was crazy awesome....then somehow we got into some fight about me liking the show you just did so much that you wouldn't want to do a different type...but ironically I was invited to go to your next show in Paris which was kick ass...heh honestly it reminded me of Devil Wears Prada, but with me as the main character....I was confused!!!~*
What's he's saying here is that I'm so beautiful and untouchable that not even he is at my level, yet I have allowed him to be my assistant/bodygaurd. And what the big thing about us fighting?? It's almost like he's dreamt I'm this huongo bitch, like the 'devil wears prada' reference, but it doesn't matter cause I'm a gorguos model. You see what I mean about this guy seeing me as a completely different thing than what I am? He ignores what I saw and takes it to mean what he wants. That's just not for me.
Now all I have to come to terms with is that everyone he knows will hate me. This shouldn't bother me too much, not like I know them at all, but that doesn't mean I like having people think of me as a teasing skank that toys with men's hearts. If only they knew the whole story.
Ok, say goodbye to whiny robby-related posts. I'm off to break up with the little weirdo.
-paige
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
sweet daze aside
Weird crush of the week: Gene Wilder. You have to admit that his enthusiasm and brilliance on camera is entralling. You can't look away. Of course my two favorite movies of his are Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Young Frankenstein. I enjoy his others as well, but these two stand out to me.
Moving on, I had a post all ready to publish, but i don't know what happened to it. It said something along the lines of: Problem averted. I told robert not to come here, that it wasn't a good time for random visits. Not only do I have a baby to care for during the daytime, that baby also got her 6 month shots today, which will make my last few days here that much more demanding. And fun. ;)
So he's not going to come here after all. This random impulse to just hunt me down with out so much a phone call to warn me about it really kind of freaks me out. In a way, it's cute. But then in a totally stalker way, I'm worried that if I continue to patronize him inorder to avoid breaking his heart, (hoping that he'll eventually get bored of me), that the situation will continue to worsen as it has the past few days. Before I know it, I fear he'll climb into my bedroom window and expect me to marry him the next day. At that point its a bit late to go and tell him that I've been trying to avoid him and wait till he got bored of me, because if his enthusiasm for obsessing with me can also be used in a negative sense, I will have a little angry enemy on my hands.
Our mutual friends will side with him, I have no doubt of that. He's known them all longer, and I'm the one who freaking lead him on. This, sadly, doesn't bother me much. I'm not planning to see these people much anyway, and the worst they can do is delete me from their friends list on myspace. OOO I'm scared.
So I think that I have to tell him that it's off, and that I'm completly to blame for it's alsting as long as it did. I'm a pro at giving off a false impression of pleasantness, and I would have to explain that to him in a way that didn;t break him completely. I have to do this in the next 48 hours too, because I made the mistake of telling him he could meet me at the houtson airport on saturday instead of coming out to Miami today. I would rather call him tomorrow and get that over with rather than put it off till AFTER he drove all the 3 or 4 hours to see me and give me an expensive ring.
...I'm going to need some help with this... I've already vowed to call my ex-therapist tomorrow, so I might as well see what he has to say about this whole thing. I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right thing by ending it now, but I would like Lucky's (my therapist) advice, or maybe am agreement from him to confirm it's the right thing to do.
This is going to be difficult. Wish me luck, PLZ!
-wizeup
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
flippin freakin ball of dung
I almost wrote and published an entire blog complaining about my 'boyfriend' who I thought might be planning to randomly come and see me wednesday or thursday. But then I went back and re-read the messages he wrote me over the weekend, and I'm not so sure it'll be him coming to see me anymore. I have no idea who else it would be, but I don't want to jump to conclusions and make a mountain out of a mole hill. Here's what he said:
~*heh your present is doubley special now cause I've gotten it delivered by someone special!!! Heh you'll like the surprise ALOT!!! But I'm not going to tell you who...lets just say that you haven't seem him in a long time ;) and you'll enjoy it when he shows up!!!
I can't wait to see everything on you!!! When are you going to the doctor's office with Lexie on Wendsday? Cause it'll show up sometime Wendsday night if not Thrusday morning!!! ... I can't wait to see you!!! You'll like your present heh it's kind of like getting two of them!!! I can't wait to see you again!!! Oh and I didn't get it sized cause I didn't know what size you said 5 or 6 so I just decided to wait and we'd do it together cause I'm going to be seeing you in less than 2 months so I'll get the ring size and then we'll go from there...plus Zales will do it for free with the reciept I have!!! Like I said can't wait to see you!!!*~
What is all that supposed to mean? I thought it was a dead giveaway that it would be him, especially the first paragraph, then I read the second paragraph more carefully and something about it kinda makes me think he's sending... a mutual friend?? No, it's gotta be him, no one else would drive halfway across the country just to spend a day or something with me.
That dedication may seem sweet, and romantic, except he didn't ask me about it before he decided to go ahead with it. He just informes me that *someone* is going to show up at my sister's house whether it's accepted or not. I don't think my sister is going to like a little teenager to be sleeping in her house, or spending time with her on-duty nanny. I don't know what this kid expects me to do. Children don't give 'time off', and I sure as hell am not compromising my last few days with my niece just to bloody accomidate his impulses.
UGH this boy is driving me INSANE
...Oh yeah. My eventful trip to Tallahasse. I was planning on posting all about it tonight, since we got back this afternoon. Now, I don't feel so much like it.
One thing I will say: I kinda hoped I might bet a few tangible reasons to 'call it off' with 'the boy' but those fell through. Two of them were unable to be reached, and the other one was probably busy with other things. In any case, I have no replacement for ze robere. Unless I go back to el exie, which is never a good idea. But it has been tempting me for some time, in the form of his wanting me to come back to him.Not that there is much to come back to, since we were a strictly online/over the phone couple, yet there was still something about talking to him that made me feel... real, or alive. It was a real conversation, which I'm not used to having with those of the opposite sex. Certainly not robere, for all he acts I could be his f*ing pet rock.
And I got my cartaledge (sp?) pierced yesterday morning at the mall in Tallahasse. Iy makes me look like a pirate when I wear bandanas. To complete the effect I could put a hoop in the same ear, a flippin big hoop. That would be swcheet.